Not Everyone Will Like You – How to Belong

You’ve probably heard the saying, “if you want everyone to like you, open an ice cream truck.” It’s funny because it’s true. But instead of considering it career advice, think of it as wisdom for making friends, whether at work or in your personal life. 

The truth is, it’s completely natural not to click with everyone. The real magic happens when you focus on deepening the relationships that matter or finding people who share your interests and values.

Finding Common Ground

Let’s start with a bit of science to back this up. Professor Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist from the University of Oxford, has studied human relationships for years. He talks about “Dunbar’s number,” which is around 150. This is the number of stable relationships most people can maintain. But it’s not just about how many people you know; it’s about how well you know them and how much you connect.

Dunbar identifies seven pillars of friendship that help strengthen these connections: speaking the same language, shared background, career trajectory, common interests, similar worldviews, musical interests, and humor. When you find common ground in these areas, you’re more likely to form lasting bonds. For example, at work, you’re naturally going to gravitate towards colleagues who share your career goals or enjoy the same jokes. This shared ground fosters trust and understanding, key ingredients for any good relationship.

Connecting Through Music

Brian Mohr, CEO and Co-founder of anthym, supports that music is a great way to connect. Music can evoke powerful memories and emotions, making it a universal language that brings people together. This ties in nicely with one of Dunbar’s pillars—musical interests.

During a relationship-building workshop, Brian shared a fun activity to help deepen connections. He asked participants two questions: “If I bought your very first car, what cassette or CD would I find in the stereo?” and “What’s a song that connects you to a special person in your life?” These questions aren’t just icebreakers; they open up conversations about personal histories and shared experiences, helping people bond over common ground.

Strengthening Bonds Through Gratitude

Once you’ve made a selection of who you want to show gratitude to, the next step is to nurture those relationships. Enter Kevin Monroe, the World’s Gratitude Coach at the Grateful App. Kevin believes that expressing gratitude is a powerful way to strengthen bonds.

In a Covve Connection Crew workshop, he introduced a simple yet effective method called TAG (Thankful, Appreciate, Grateful). The idea is to send short, heartfelt voice notes via LinkedIn. These notes might only be 60 seconds long, but they pack a punch. Regularly expressing gratitude helps turn casual acquaintances into meaningful connections, building a foundation of trust and goodwill.

Leveraging Technology to Stay Connected

Keeping track of all these relationships can be tricky, especially with our busy lives. That’s where technology comes in handy. Covve, a relationship management companion app, helps you organize your contacts, set reminders to express gratitude, and keep up with your contacts’ interests. It’s like having a personal assistant for your social life, ensuring you stay engaged and connected with the people who matter.

So, not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. Focus on building and maintaining relationships with those who share your values and interests. By finding common ground as Professor Dunbar suggests, practicing gratitude like Kevin Monroe, and using music to connect as Brian Mohr does, you can create meaningful and lasting relationships. 

Tools like Covve can help you keep these connections strong. Remember, it’s the quality of your relationships that counts, not the quantity. Embrace the connections that bring joy and fulfillment into your life.

Give Covve a try for free. If you’re not quite ready, subscribe to The Networker, our bi-weekly newsletter, to stay up to date on connection insights and tips.