How Trust and Emotion Shape the Hidden Relationship in Negotiation

Why emotions matter at the table

When people think about negotiation, they often picture logic, strategy, and numbers. But studies show that what we feel and express is just as influential. According to research by Mara Olekalns and Daniel Druckman (2014), emotions act as signals that tell the other side how we see the deal, how much we value the relationship, and where our limits may lie. Some emotions can create cooperation, while others can harden resistance.

This leads to a crucial question: which emotions actually change outcomes at the table, and under what conditions?

The two emotions that matter most

A landmark series of experiments by Gerben Van Kleef and colleagues (2006) provides the answer. They found two consistent patterns:

• Disappointment or worry: When negotiators showed these emotions, their counterparts tended to give ground. The display of disappointment sent a signal of unmet expectations, motivating the other side to repair the relationship.

• Guilt or regret: When negotiators showed these emotions, the opposite happened. Counterparts became tougher, holding back or even raising their demands, often interpreting guilt as weakness or a sign that more could be extracted.

In short, disappointment can unlock concessions. Guilt often invites pressure.

Why trust is the switch

Van Kleef’s work also revealed that trust is the key factor that determines whether these emotions matter at all. When trust is high, disappointment is persuasive. It feels genuine, and the other side adjusts. When trust is low, disappointment looks like a tactic and carries no weight.

With guilt, the stakes are higher. In high trust relationships, guilt can be forgiven if paired with clear corrective action. In low trust relationships, guilt is almost always damaging.

Olekalns and Druckman reinforce this point, showing that trust and authenticity set the boundaries of how emotions are received. Context decides whether emotions create progress or block it.

How to use this insight in practice

Before you negotiate

• Gauge trust: Is the relationship cooperative or competitive? If trust is low, build it through small reliable actions first.

• Pick your signal carefully: Use disappointment to highlight gaps when trust is strong. Use guilt only when you can immediately back it up with a tangible fix.

During the negotiation

• Aim emotions at the issue, not the person: Saying “I’m disappointed we’re not closer on delivery times” is better than “I’m disappointed in you.”

• Pair guilt with action: Do not just apologize. Add a concrete offer or solution.

• Stay authentic: People detect scripted feelings. Authentic emotions persuade. Faked emotions erode credibility.

After the negotiation

• Close the loop quickly: Deliver on promises fast. Reliability cements trust.

• Track what works: Notice when disappointment moves the deal forward and when guilt backfires. Adjust your style accordingly.

The broader lesson

Negotiation is not only about exchanging offers. It is about managing the relationship that sits underneath those offers. Disappointment, when expressed in the context of trust, can draw people closer and create movement. Guilt, when expressed without corrective action, can drive them further away. Trust is the lens through which every emotion is judged.

For leaders and managers, the message is clear. Build relationships where trust runs deep. In those relationships, your emotions will not be dismissed as tactics. They will be read as signals of sincerity. And sincerity, backed by action, is what turns negotiation from a transactional exchange into a platform for long-term partnership.

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