Diving Deeper into Conversations with Steven Michael Crane

At the recent Connection Crew Masterclass with Covve, participants came together for a truly memorable experience focused on breaking down the barriers that often keep us from forming genuine, meaningful connections. 

The workshop featured three insightful panelists, each leading an activity designed to help attendees forge stronger relationships. Among them was Steven Michael Crane, a researcher from Stanford University and the founder of Synaptic Insights Consulting. Steven brought a unique perspective to the Masterclass, emphasizing the importance of diving deeper into conversations to foster real connection.

Steven kicked off his segment by introducing the concept of “Misperceived Risk and Unexpected Reward.” He explained how most of us tend to overestimate the awkwardness or risk involved in engaging in deeper conversations with others. This fear often leads us to stick to superficial small talk, and as a result, we miss out on the profound joy and unexpected rewards that can come from truly opening up. The core message was simple: our perception of social risk often prevents us from experiencing the genuine connections that we crave.

To bring his concept to life, Steven introduced an activity that challenged participants to push past their comfort zones and engage in meaningful dialogues. He first paired up with another panelist to demonstrate how the exercise worked, showing that the process could be both fun and insightful. 

At this point, he encouraged all of us in the room to try it out ourselves with a partner. This hands-on approach allowed participants to directly experience the shift from superficial interaction to deeper conversation.

Try Steven’s Exercise at Home

1. Find a Partner: Choose someone you’re comfortable with but also curious to learn more about. This could be a friend, family member, or even a colleague you’d like to connect with more deeply.
2. Start with a Meaningful Prompt: “If you really knew me, you would know…” This is your opportunity to share something meaningful—something that goes beyond everyday surface-level chat. Consider sharing a passion you have, a personal challenge you’ve faced, a unique habit, or a core value that defines you.
3. Take Turns Sharing: Each person gets two minutes to speak without interruption. The key is to be open, honest, and detailed. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Talk about what excites you, what you find challenging, what makes you tick, or even something quirky that most people wouldn’t know about you.
4. Listen Actively and Affirm: After one person has shared, the listener takes 30 seconds to reflect back something positive or meaningful they noticed during the sharing. This could be a simple “thank you for sharing” or a more specific comment like, “I admire your courage in speaking so openly.” The aim is to show that you’re truly listening and valuing what the other person has said.
5. Switch and Repeat: After affirming, swap roles and repeat the exercise. This ensures that both participants have a chance to share and listen, fostering mutual understanding and empathy.

Steven’s activity highlighted a crucial point: the risk of deeper conversations often isn’t as significant as we imagine, and the rewards can be far greater than expected. The exercise demonstrated that when we push past the initial awkwardness, we can discover new layers in our relationships and build a foundation of trust and understanding.

If you’re looking to deepen your connections at home, try this exercise with someone you care about. You might find that taking the risk to open up can lead to surprisingly rewarding conversations, strengthening your relationships in ways you never imagined. Whether it’s with a friend, a partner, or even someone you’d like to know better, diving into deeper dialogue can help you form the kind of connections that truly matter.